idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
