I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
