sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
