I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
