So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
