People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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