I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
