I'll bet she douches with gravy.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
