I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
