he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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