He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You can't motorboat a personality
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
