If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
