but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
