also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
