just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
