I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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