I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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