My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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