Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
It's just like the Real World with babies
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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