I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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