i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
