Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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