whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
