super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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