their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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