I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
