Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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