And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
