I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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