Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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