Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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