SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
