I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
you never un-have a 4some
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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