I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
