I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
