Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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