So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just blew my weed a kiss
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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