apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
