Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
