We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
