These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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