Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
