You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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