when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
