You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
