your room smells of hookers.
And success
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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