just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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