Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
