How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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