Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
