I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
