when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
