You're so nebulous sometimes
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
