Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
