What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
