he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
