i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
