im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize