did you get engaged???
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
