So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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