Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
