A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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