Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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