She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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