Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
