I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
