Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
