Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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