wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
