As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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