Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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