She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
