Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize