I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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