Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
