He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
