this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
