mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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