Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
