I can't watch pbs sober anymore
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
