I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
