don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
