How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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