i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
