apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Farmville is her only friend.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
