soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
