What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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