I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
