i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
