It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I wear drunk well.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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