You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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