I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
