Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize