I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
