At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Someone signed my nipple.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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