Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize