It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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