sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
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