that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
