3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
