Soap is not a condiment
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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