come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
