I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
