I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
