Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
