If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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